is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's like iHOP with fire
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
