Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
