my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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