so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
