smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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