just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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