You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
