birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
