if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize