watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
