I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
