i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
