I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
