Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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