my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
