A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize