just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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