Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
