I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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