Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
