he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize