So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
