i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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