There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
