i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
