Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
