i permit you to call me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
