I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
