I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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