I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
