There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh god it's open bar.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
