good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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