If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
