This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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