i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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