i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
