I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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