Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
