I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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