she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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