dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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