your room smells of hookers.
And success
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
