Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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