That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
