Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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