I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
