you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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