I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
