I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
