and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
