Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
