so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
