i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
sex in a hospital.. check
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
