Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
