The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
