It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
