oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
