Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
