theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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