Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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