Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
