I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
