Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
