i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to make out with him forever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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