just tell him i said nine months
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
