carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
