ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
