Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
