turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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