Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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