I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
