I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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