He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
