You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
