You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
