at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize