I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
