He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize