sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
