hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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