I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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