Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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