I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
