Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize