I faked an abortion last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
