..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
