I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
