Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
